At 5:57 a.m. on Wednesday, May 1, Dawn and Daniel Hearn (well, really, mostly Daniel) welcomed into their lives a 7 lb., 10 oz. baby bubble, 58”. It was an difficult labor for Daniel, but he kept pushing through with Dawn never leaving his side (well, really, she was nowhere to be found, not caring much for the smell of epoxy or the massive amounts of dust that are ever-present throughout the process). Women really have it easy when it comes to birthing a bubble. #equality4dudes
The bubble was likely conceived during a wild weekend at the Northwest Regatta. Shortly thereafter, Daniel began to display nesting behavior, surrounding himself with iceboat parts that oddly brought him comfort. Breyer’s Ice Cream observed a sharp increase in consumption in the Madison DMA. And talk about crabby! Dawn figured it was Seasonal Effective Disorder. Nope. The test confirmed it…a bubble in the oven.
If you’re feeling a little hurt, having not received an invitation to the gender reveal party, your pain is unnecessary. The parents are not of the generation that stages such gatherings to create yet another occasion requiring family and friends to bring gifts. Damn Daniel, someone might have brought you the white Vans! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LUX70mXcEE Or carbon fiber twill, 6061 aluminum angle or a 67-tooth sprocket. See, the Millennial Generation isn’t lazy. They’re just better at working the system.
To stay up to date, you must start following the happy couple on Instagram. You know, because everyone wants to see more pictures of their stupid dog (do they have a dog?), what they ate for dinner last night, and now every bowel movement of their chubby little bubble.